THE ELDER'S MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

Disclaimer: A disclaimer is a statement that denies something, in this case, responsibility.

A point of view is a singular phenomenon. Hence, you don't have to agree with me. You're the reader. They’re your thoughts. You’re the one who determines the interpretation.

This is just how I see it. It's not right. It's not wrong. It's not “the” truth. And as an elder, I don't need to be believed. As an elder, I don’t need agreement. Higher wisdom just is.

Try it on. Keep it or throw it away; up to you what you do with these words. I am not in charge of you. Besides, I have come to know you can’t make anyone responsible. Responsibility is an individual, existential and personal event.

THE TYRANNY OF THE OBVIOUS - LOSS OF RESPONSIBILITY

It is raining and storming, finger-pointing, blaming, shaming, and righteous screeching. Violence is present. Discord, unrest, and anxiety are pervasive. Words are loudly and frequently being spoken and written that annihilate responsibility.

Most of the conversations, whether local, regional, or global, in real-time or virtual, are about "them or it," rarely, if ever, about "I." When you talk about “them or it,” you define the “I” simultaneously.

No problem can be solved; no trouble can be resolved; no dilemma can be unraveled without responsibility.

The mission impossible for elders is to instigate responsibility in others in whatever relationships, groups, organizations, and communities elders find themselves.

DEFINITION
re·spon·si·bil·i·ty

1. the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.
2. the state or fact of being accountable.
3. the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.

  
The definitions are straightforward. What responsibility means couldn't be any sharper. The context of responsibility is well-defined: “the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.” I would have preferred the word “influence” over “control,” given you can’t control anyone except yourself.

Nonetheless, the definitions are expressed in the first person, fully implicating you as an individual as the sole, exclusive, singular, and liable agent. You're “it” when it comes to responsibility. The finger points only to you, not to him, her, them, or it, only to you.

The definition of responsibility lays out the problem exquisitely. Those in charge who say they are accountable are not. You can't be accountable without being responsible. And they are not responsible according to what responsibility actually means.

Faulting, blaming, and shaming are the antithesis of the language of responsibility. Responsibility does not live in the words of a complaint, opinion, explanation, or gossip. These words erase you out of responsibility’s digital picture. When you are responsible, it’s a head-on close-up, undeletable portrait shot.

Who I am when I am responsible is different than who I am when blaming or faulting others. My speaking, actions, and courage are very much different when I am responsible than when I am blaming or faulting.

There’s no commitment inherent in the words of complaining, faulting, or shaming. These words don’t incite a “call to arms,” no mobilization of resources, no action plans, and indeed no high-risk action—just the opposite. In other words, complaining, faulting, and blaming don’t do sh*t except make you right.
 
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

Most people are unaware of the words they speak. Sure they have thoughts that proceed the words, but thoughts are words too.

Hard to realize that the language spoken determines who you are as you are speaking. Words define who you are in the moment of being spoken.

This language of irresponsibility leads to the next level of words and phrases - excuses, justifications, and rationalizations for why you’re not responsible and not putting yourself at stake to make it right. So again, your language points the finger everywhere else but yourself.

In our elder work, we support the interpretation that responsibility is normative. Making responsibility normative takes morality, righteousness, and smokescreens out of the equation. Making responsibility normative makes responsibility a personal choice. In essence, an existential choice. A “me, myself, and I” choice. No one is making you do it.

Personal choice is the headwater of commitment. Commitment incites action. Commitment takes you out the stands and onto the court.

The elder’s mission impossible is to restore responsibility in themselves and their relationships, groups, organizations, and communities where they find themselves. And believe me, elders understand how threatening it is to have people look from the point of view they are responsible.

But elders have learned some elder skills:

• Get egos to the sidelines, including their own.
• Dampen down politics and positioning.
• Reduce righteousness or wrongness.
• Produce greater affinity and humanity.
• Have people heard, not just listened.
• Open the gate for people to take responsibility.

  
The impossible mission of elders is to bring more significant personal and collective responsibility into the world.
 
ANNOUNCEMENT
 
The next Contemporary Elder Retreat is scheduled from May 1^st to May 7^th at the Red Mountain Resort on the Colorado Plateau. Attendance is limited to 20 qualified participants.
 
The tuition is not firmly set, given we intend to be a nonprofit entity allowing a portion of the tuition to be tax deductible. But more importantly, as a nonprofit, it reflects our core commitments, values, and character. We’re not out to make money. We’re out to have a world that works.
 
We have also eliminated the late-age restrictions given the strong interest and direct requests from some middle-aged professionals who see being an elder as their pathway to their future.

If interested in the retreat: https://www.drmarcbcooper.com/contact