An essay from the upcoming book, The Elder Essays

The Purpose of Purpose

The craving for purpose is a defining characteristic of human beings. Many acclaimed psychologists assert that humans require a purpose or suffer psychological difficulties.

According to highly regarded business pundits, consistent with my 37 years of consulting experience, businesses that lack a true purpose underperform.

Purpose has power.

The same is true for those transitioning from older to elder. Purpose gives one a very different relationship to who they are and how they operate in the world.

One hurdle to crossing the crevasse from older to elder is to create a worthy purpose. Worthy means having or showing the qualities or abilities that merit acknowledgment in a specified way that others can recognize as having made a difference.

The names you remember and admire were purpose-driven, from the global - Gandhi, Mandela, and Lincoln to U.S. sports - Michael Jordon, Larry Bird, and Tom Brady. Purpose is high octane.

A purpose is a reason for which something is done or created - the reason something exists. The "why," as Simon Sinek distinguishes it. The rai·son d'ê·tre - the most important reason for someone or something's existence.

For most late lifers, they have served one purpose and one purpose only for decades, and suddenly they have none. A purpose primarily defined by the expectations of the culture and their family of origin. And, of course, their ego as an executive producer.

In my family, it was either becoming a doctor, a dentist, a lawyer, or a bum. Their purpose became an inherited, ingrained purpose and was echoed by everyone surrounding me. Their purpose became my purpose. And this purpose served me well.

But when I discovered entering late age, it stopped infusing me with those life elements that had me excited, engaged, focused, at-risk, and playing a game worth playing. Purposelessness thrust me quickly into the lane the culture cuts out for getting old.

In late age, that inherited and embedded purpose, the one you have lived three-quarters of your life by, no longer provides you with what is needed for the last part of the aging journey.

An elder knows when he or she has landed on their purpose when it:

1)  Breath passion into their life.

2)  Displaces the ego’s grasp.

3)  Makes them take a stand for a future that contributes.

4)  Demands expanding personal growth and self-actualization.

5)  Enables them to contribute with impact.

6)  Insists on courage to meet the challenges the purpose will provoke.

7)  Seen and addressed as an elder, a sage, and a benefactor by others.

8)  Able to follow Gandhi’s principle, “Be the person you wish to see in the world.”

Ultimately, finding that purpose as an elder that propels you from older to elder is a personal journey. A journey that involves self-reflection with unchained, unabashed truth-telling, which isn’t easy. All the masks come off.

An elder’s purpose is foundational, not financial. It comes from the heart, not the head. It reflects the unique gift that life is. It aims at relieving the suffering of others.  It calls you to be your highest thought. Your purpose requires you to be an elder.

SELF-REFECTION

As an elder, self-reflection is the cornerstone of discovering your purpose. Elders honor and practice self-reflection. Self-reflection involves examining and contemplating thoughts, emotions, experiences, and actions, the act of introspection.

Introspection allows a deeper understanding of yourself, your values, beliefs, motivations, strengths, and weaknesses. Introspection is the process of making yourself the object of your research.

“To thine own self be true.” You can’t be true to a self you don’t know. Elders get to know who they really are.

In our work, the process of self-reflection has three legs – mindfulness, meditation, and ruthless compassion. With mindfulness and meditation, you learn to be fully present in the current moment. Observing your thoughts, feelings, and sensation without judgment allows them to be configurations that come and go involuntarily. They come in, and they go out. Waves on the ocean. Not having your thoughts run you gives you freedom.

But then comes the ruthless/compassionate part. What you can’t share or decline to recognize about yourself is insidious, proceeding gradually and subtly but with harmful effects. It’s self-deception.

Self-deception is the process of deceiving oneself or distorting reality to maintain a belief, perception, or understanding that is inconsistent with reality. It’s trying to convince yourself of something that may not be true or to avoid accepting the truth.

But elders have the chutzpah, the willingness to face and uncover their self-deception. Nothing to hide. No need to manipulate. No need to lie. No need to pretend. No hypocrisy. Elders allow themselves to be just who they are, and that is liberty.

Elders learn to embrace their humanity and let go of the chains. They finally realize they are human and all that comes with this package. Elders understand ‘This is it.’ You can’t put the Soufflé back in the oven. All illusions washed away. The past and the judgments of yourself become yesterday’s news.

Elders work on tomorrow’s headlines.